“You made a mistake…again”, my inner self kept on telling me this from the moment I open my eyes this morning. Lying in bed, wide awake, looking at the ceiling but my thoughts were out somewhere or maybe when I opened the door last night and watch him walked away he brought my thoughts and my feelings with him. “Get up and start cleaning the mess that you did last night”, as I look around my room I remember every little detail that happened here. How I watched my whole world fell apart right in front of me without doing anything. How I helped him crushed my newly constructed heart. “What have I done?” I ask myself still lying in bed. I can’t get up. My body felt so heavy as if something is pressing me to bed. I closed my eyes trying to collect my thoughts. Little by little I found them but my heart is nowhere to be found.
As I sit at the coffee table beside our huge glass window while smelling the brewed coffee that I made last night, I let a deep sigh escape from my mouth. “Don’t you dare cry over that thing”, my inner self is getting angry. Honestly, as I closed the door last night after he left, I really want to cry. The loudest cry that nobody can hear. I must admit I really made a huge mistake last night. Letting him in, allowing him to see glimpse of my scary world, telling him story of how I became the evil queen in my own fairy tale. For the first time after building the great wall around my heart, I let a stranger broke a few bricks only to find out that he was too strong that half of my walls crumbled down. “I hope you’ll find someone who will take good care of you and who will treasure you”, that’s when the other half of my walls were crushed down. After those late night talks, the long drives without destination and allowing him to see the naked truth about me still he doesn’t want to stay. He never planned to.
I thought I guarded my heart enough that no one can easily break it. Yes, a stranger broke me last night. He left another brick that I will add when I build my walls again. It may take awhile to recover but I am a strong independent woman. A woman like me knows their worth and knows where to stand. I earned another lesson it will help me shape to be a woman that the right man for me deserves. Little by little I need to pick up every broken pieces of myself and start reconstructing my life. I need to be complete before the right man comes along. I just hope the guy last night will not knock at my door again.
“Knock, knock!!” oh dear God here I go again.
bitterjam 