You are my favorite chapter in my unfinished book.

You are my favorite chapter in my unfinished book.

 

“How do you know when it’s over?”

“Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories than with the person standing in front of you.”

― Gunnar Ardelius, I Need You More Than I Love You and I Love You to Bits

Whenever I tried to do an article about us I always find myself lost in my own thoughts. I was just sitting in my computer chair staring blankly in my monitor for about 20 minutes before I can create a 1 paragraph consisting of 5 sentences. Our story never had an ending nor should I say a formal ending. There is no “us” to begin with. We are more than friends but less than lovers. For the past seven months of being together I admit that it is really my fault that we didn’t have a label.

In the first week of our adventure (I can’t say relationship because there’s no “us” right?) you kept on asking me if I wanted to be your girlfriend. That time I stopped believing in the power of relationships. Men expire after two weeks that is my motto. And what’s the use of having a label when you can get things that they get without having a commitment. Friends with benefits, No strings attached, Unofficially yours we had the same stories just like them but different ending. We didn’t end up together or maybe this is not yet the end. I was your favorite playmate. We had the same things that normal couples have except that lust is our foundation and not love.

When I get off from work I will go straight into your house. I know that you hate cooking but when I arrived at your house I smelled a slightly burnt fried chicken, I feel a small grin curled my lips. Your house became my sanctuary. My body and soul feel at ease whenever I lay my body in your couch and in your bed. Your body was like a fire place that kept me warm. I remember there was this one night that while you’re sleeping I was staring at you, you let my finger tips traced your face. How can I forget those dark eyebrows, small mysterious eyes, almost perfect nose and your lips that touch every inch of me? You were my favorite statue. A sculpture made by Him. I see how perfect you are.

You survived my two weeks motto. I started counting months in my mind. I know deep within me that I loved you. I really do there’s just this one thing that kept me from telling you that. I was afraid. I was scared to death that maybe you want our situation. You get what you want without being burdened by a commitment. I wanted to tell you that I love you but I don’t know how. For almost four months I’ve been waiting to hear from you the question you used to ask me but I never heard it.

I started to feel your coldness. You were not as excited as before whenever you see me. There was something strange in the way you hug me. I can feel that you’re starting to drift away. I let a few weeks passed before I earned the courage to ask you what’s wrong. You didn’t answer me. You just shrugged it off. I know anytime soon you will utter those words that I don’t want to hear but I didn’t hear anything from you. Until one day we had this fight over a trivial matter I was about to leave when you said “I feel so stupid for pushing myself to you when you don’t want me to”. That was the last time I saw you.

I was dumbfounded, so shocked that you felt that way. All those months that we’ve been together I didn’t know that I let you feel that way. While protecting myself from getting hurt I didn’t know that I was hurting you too.

It’s been a year now since the last time I heard from you. I know you’ve been in relationships but didn’t last long. I am too. I have this new guy he’s way too different from you. You’re the matured, mysterious type of guy while he’s a childish one. I know in my heart that I love this guy but there’s still a part of me that misses you. My “what ifs and what could have been” will haunt me for the rest of my life or until I will be able to tell you what I really feel for you back then. Know that you will always be my favorite story.

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What I know about love.

What I know about love.

“Don’t you fall until we know for sure” – Aliyah Parcs

Falling in love, for me is the easiest thing to do. No matter how high we set our standards we always fall for someone who doesn’t fall to our check list. When our heart decides it didn’t blind our eyes that we don’t see what kind of a mess that person could be. When we’re falling for someone our hearts shines that people see it in our eyes. We see beauty in the way they look at us. Those strange habits that they have are the things that make them stand out in our eyes.  No matter how loud or how soft spoken they are all we hear is music in our ears because it’s love.

Love is the strangest cycle ever existed. We fall in love, break our walls, happiness is in the air then we get our hearts broken into tiny pieces, we learn the art of letting go in the bitterest way possible then we build walls and tell ourselves to never let our guards down again then someone will walk into our life and all we can say is “here we go again”. We are not capable in controlling our feelings. Though love can make our lives complicated, falling in love is as simple as 1 + 1 = 2. When we fall, we fall. Simple isn’t it?

Isn’t it great that we wake up every morning with a smile on our face because we know we will see that special someone or if they are far away we have another day to express how much we miss them? How this one person can turn our bad days into good ones simply by smiling or telling us that they are here for us. And at night, isn’t it wonderful that we have someone that can let our heart and mind at ease just by saying “Goodnight and Sweet dreams”?

When we are in love we are capable in doing things beyond our imagination. We set limitless things and make everything possible. We can do everything but imagine if the person we love also loved as in return, wouldn’t it be great? We can do anything without losing ourselves in the process because we do things with the assurance that it will be appreciated.

Gravity or gravitation is a natural phenomenon by which all things attract one another including stars, planets, galaxies and even light and sub-atomic particles (Thank you Wikipedia). Though gravity attracts one another it is not responsible in attracting another person to like us. You have to be yourself in order for others to recognize your uniqueness. If being yourself doesn’t attract that one person you like let them be. It’s not your loss anyway. No matter how great love is it can be destructive sometimes. It can make us a good person or create a monster that is worse than a nightmare hiding under your bed. We must be responsible in our feelings. We shouldn’t let love destroy us just because that one person didn’t love us back. We should be brave enough to fall in love and much brave enough to walk away if it’s not worth staying anymore.